A JGR Christmas Story

Chapter 10/Epilogue

2009-12-12T13:19:00.000-08:00

Chapter 10/Epilogue

"Well, we made it," Denny called out as he climbed out of the SUV in the parking lot where he'd told their girlfriends and Joey's parents to meet them that evening. Kyle had barely stepped out of the SUV when he heard his girlfriend's voice. "KYLE THOMAS BUSCH!" she shouted. "HOW DARE YOU RUN OFF LIKE THAT?!" Denny's girlfriend said nothing. She merely balled up her left fist as if promising to give him a black eye to match his right one.

"Listen here, you two," Denny said. "We've had it rough. We've been snowed in. We've been frostbitten. Kyle just about froze to death. We've abused each other with a flashlight. We've been attacked by a killer squirrel. And we blew a tire on the interestate and about flipped over and had to push the thing two miles in the freezing cold to a gas station while Joey held the steering wheel and stuck his head out the window like a dog and waved at every semi-truck that drove by and kept hitting the brakes. So if you're planning on chewing us out, beating us up, or doing whatever you're planning on doing, go for it, cause it can't be worse than anything we dealt with yesterday or today.

The girls looked at their driver boyfriends for a moment. "OH YOU POOR MAN!" they both cried at once, embracing their respective drivers. Denny and Kyle looked at one another and gave each other the thumbs up sign.

"Hey guys!" Joey shouted, pulling out of his embrace with Sabrina in which he'd been locked since climbing from the SUV. "We need to do this again!" "Sure thing, Joey," Denny called without looking as he embraced Jordan." "Yeah, I mean soon. It'll be fun! We should go back to Vegas or something!"

"Vegas," the two women whispered at the same time. Kyle and Denny looked at each other somberly. "He said the V-word. Here it comes." They each looked at their girlfriends, who's faces had contorted into ones of anger. They slapped their driver with their right hand, ironically turning Denny and Kyle's faces right to Joey. He shrunk behind Sabrina, trying to hide from their steely glare....

"So, how was your trip to the mountains?" JD Gibbs asked with a wink as Kyle and Denny sat alone at a table, having a Coke. "Put it this way," Kyle said. "I wish this was the Hendrick Christmas Party so I could be a case deep into some alcohol right now." JD laughed and walked away, leaving his two drivers alone.

They scanned the crowd of employees dancing the night away as Christmas music blared. A jolly fat man normally seen in a red suit was even in on the action: former JGR driver Tony Stewart. Santa was there too, though.

"You know, Joey would be enjoying this," Denny said. "Yeah, if he could talk," Kyle added. They grinned at each other mischeviously. "So, when do you think that super glue will wear off? "Surely by Daytona...I hope."

A little later, Stewart walked up. "So how are you two losers doing?" he asked, leaning against the table and crossing his arms. "Just peachy, Smoke," Kyle replied. "How about you?" "Oh, enjoying the bachleor life, but nothing on the level of you two mountain men," he said with a wink. Kyle and Denny grumbled. The whole story, from the aftermath of their Vegas fiasco to their return from the cabin and everything in between was already legend in NASCAR circles.

"Anyway, the reason I'm over here is I wanted to know what you two have got planned for January...outside of trying to get back in your gals' good graces." "Nothin' much," Denny shrugged. "Me either," Kyle added. "Well good, me and some of the boys are gonna do a little trip of our own and we wanna bring you two along." "We'll think about it," Kyle said. "Think about it, huh?" Denny asked, recalling Kyle's response to him saying he would "think about" the mountain trip.

"Well good," Tony said. "Here, this is all you'll need." He pulled a small spray can out of his pocket and handed it to Kyle, then walked off laughing.

"What is it?" Denny asked as Kyle grumbled. Kyle simply passed the can over to him, where Denny read the magic marker label out loud.

"Squirrel Repellent."

THE END....?

Okay yeah it really is the end...

Maybe....

Yeah, it is. I promise...

Chapter 9

2009-12-12T12:23:00.000-08:00

Chapter 9

"I can't take it anymore!" Kyle shouted. "I've got to get out of here!" "Dude its only been, what, two hours?" Denny replied. "More like four!" "Whatever. Calm your butt down and sit down." "No, I've got to get out!"

And with that, Kyle ran towards the door once more.

"Here we go again," Denny and Joey each said, slapping a hand against their heads. They turned away as they heard Kyle turn the knob, open the door, and rush outside...wait...rush outside?!

"Hey, it melted!" Joey shouted. "We're free!" "Wow, Joe was right," Denny added, scratching his head.

No longer trapped, the two drivers decided the best thing for them to do was pack their stuff, load it into Kyle's Highlander, and get as far away from that cabin as possible. "Once we find Kyle, of course," Denny said, rolling his eyes with a sigh.

He wasn't hard to find.

"Hey Kyle, what's going on?" Denny called out when he saw his teammate sitting on his knees in his snow, his back to the cabin. Kyle did not respond. Denny and Joey started walking towards him. As they got closer, they could hear the distinct sound of sniffling. "Is he...crying?" Joey asked.

Indeed he was. And upon reaching him, they realized why: a small, frozen, furry creature lay before him.

"I didn't want him to die!" Kyle whimpered through his sobs. "I kind of liked him! Sure we didn't start out on the best of terms but who DOES start out on the best of terms with me?" "Um, Kyle," Denny said, but Kyle continued. "The way he looked at me and squeaked. I can't get that out of my mind!" He put his head in his hands and wept. "But Kyle," Joey tried to say. "LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OF GRIEF!" Kyle bellowed, his voice carrying throughout the frigid air.

"Fine, you can have your moment," Denny said, "but that ain't your squirrel." "It...it what? YOU LIE!" "No I'm not lying. It isn't." "How do you know? Give me one shred of proof you have that this isn't Boopsie." "Boopsie?" Joey asked, his head turned sideways in confusion. "Alright, I'll give you two," Denny said, signaling by holding up three fingers. "First off, that ain't a squrrel." "Huh? It isn't?" "No, thats some rat I knocked in the head while I was cutting the tree down yesterday." "A rat?" Kyle said, gradually regaining his composure.

"And second of all, 'Boopsie' is over there by your Highlander chewing on the valve of the tire." Kyle looked over. Sure enough, the squirrel that had terrorized them the night before was next to Kyle's left rear tire, gnawing away at the valve stem.

"YOU LITTLE....!"

Instinctively, Kyle grabbed the tail of the frozen rat, picked it up, and began chasing the squirrel across the front lawn of the cabin as Denny and Joey looked on.

"Eh, let me know how it turns out," Denny said after watching for a few minutes. "I'll go start packing." "I'll help," Joey offered. Together they walked back into the cabin, shaking their heads as Kyle's curses filled the air.

A half hour later, Denny sat the last box of stuff into the back of the SUV. "Why'd we bring all this crap?" Joey asked. "We thought we were gonna be here more than a day," Denny grumbled. "Well why don't we stay, you know, give it a try?" Denny and Kyle, sporting a nasty squirrel bite on his right eyebrow, stared at him. "Or not."

And with that, the drivers climbed aboard the SUV and started their voyage back home. As he drove down the driveway away from the cabin, Denny looked into the mirror and watched it slowly disappear. He somberly broke into song.

"Na-na-na-na. Na-na-na-na. Hey, hey, hey. Goodbye."

Kyle and Joey joined him, and the singing trio repeated the verse until they were back onto the main road, the cabin mercifully a safe distance away.

Chapter 8

2009-12-11T13:43:00.001-08:00

Chapter 8

"Hey, its snowing," Kyle said as he looked out the window from his sleeping bag after finally awaking. Indeed, there was a gentle, early-afternoon snowfall outside. It created the perfectly quiet and peaceful situation as Joey and Denny were already up, leaving Kyle alone in the room.

Realizing that he was Kyle Busch and quiet and peaceful just ain't his style, he decided it was time to get up himself.

Climbing up out of his bag, Kyle winced from his, ahem, injuries sustained during the fight with the squirrel. He then limped out of the bedroom and down the stairs. When he came around the corner, he saw Denny and Joey sitting at the table. Their faces were as white as the snow.

"Guys, whats wrong?" Kyle asked. His teammates merely looked at him. "What? Did the squirrel mess me up?! Whats wrong?!" he asked, his panic growing. "The...snow..." Denny stammered. "Yeah I saw it, its pretty," Kyle replied.

"No, Kyle," said Joey. "Take a look."

"Uh, okay," Kyle said. He walked over to the door. "NO, DON'T!" Joey and Denny cried at once as he turned the doorknob, pulled the door open, and was toppled by the snow that poured into the house. Denny and Joey sprang over and pulled Kyle out from under the snowpile and kicked the offending white stuff out of the way of the door before slamming it back shut.

"We're snowed in!" Denny cried, throwing his arms up. "I TRIED TO TELL YOU GUYS!" Joey cried even louder. "Tried to tell us what?" Denny shot back as he and Joey squared off, oblivious to the soaked, freezing Kyle on the floor next to them. "That we should check the weather to make sure we didn't get snowed in! But NO! You two playboys had to watch those girls in the bikinis bouncing around!"

"J-j-j-joey, thi-thi-this-s-s-s is n-n-n-no t-ti-ti-time for I t-t-t-to-told you s-s-s-sos."

Denny and Joey looked down at their teammate, shivering violently. "We gotta get him to a warmer spot," Denny said. "Help me pick him up." Denny grabbed Kyle's legs and lifted him up while Joey grabbed Kyle's upper body and likewise lifted...only to immediately drop him. "UGH!" Kyle cried out as his head conked the floor. "WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!" Denny shouted. "He's all squishy!" Joey cried. "Pick him up before I throw you out the window and tell Tom a bear got you."

Joey did as he was told and he and Denny carried Kyle over to the table, where they had been sitting near a portable heater. They gently put Kyle down. "We need to get those wet PJ's off him," Denny said. "Well okay," Joey replied. "Take 'em off him." "Uh...no Joey, you take 'em off." "I'm not stripping Kyle! Thats just wrong!"

"Oh f-f-f-f-f-forg-forge-forget it!" Kyle spat as he tried to undress himself. "Here, I'll get his clothes," Denny said, running upstairs. "I'll help!" Joey shouted, following.

Moments later, after Joey had fainted from the sight of his teammate in the buff, Kyle was back into his regular clothes and gradually warming up. His shivering no longer quite as violent, he was able to converse.

"What are we gonna do?" he asked. "I dunno," Denny replied. "There's no electricity, this is our only heat supply," he said, gesturing to the small heater. "All I ask," Joey said, hands on his head as he tried to get the glaring image of Kyle in all his...erm...glory out of his head, "is that if I die, you guys don't eat me." "Joey there's nothing TO eat," Denny rolled his eyes. "We aren't dogs, we don't gnaw on bones. Do we Kyle?"

Kyle responded but Denny didn't notice. He was busy paying attention to Kyle's frame, which had gradually increased since he began his sponsorship deal with Mars.

Denny looked over at Joey. "But if HE croaks," he said, pointing at Kyle, "its gonna be feeding time." "Thanks a LOT, Denny," Kyle grunted. "Eww, I'm not eating Kyle!" Joey cried once again. "Thats just-" "WE KNOW! WE KNOW. That's just wrong!" Denny and Kyle shouted in unison, interrupting what had been Joey's trademark line of this trip.

The trio sat in silence, looking at each other. "I guess this is when having Joe as a team owner'll come in handy," Denny said. "We better start prayin'."

Chapter 7

2009-12-09T19:38:00.001-08:00

Chapter 7

"AHHH! GET IT OFF OF ME!" Denny screamed into the darkness. Instinctively Joey and Kyle backed up the stairs. "We gotta save him!" Joey cried out, bounding down the stairs with Kyle in tow.

They flipped on the light switch...to reveal Denny in the fight of his life....with a squirrel.

"AHHH! DO SOMETHING!" he screamed again. Kyle noticed the flashight lying next to Denny. Wielding it, he looked down at his teammate. "Denny, hold still!" "KYLE NO!" "HERE GOES NOTHING!"

Kyle brought the flashlight down, nailing Denny right in the ribs just as the squirrel jumped off. Denny grabbed his side and turned over in agony as the squirrel ran in circles around Kyle. He waved the flashlight around. "COME ON YOU LITTLE...I DARE YA! COME ON!" As if accepting Kyle's challenge, the squirrel ran up his foot into the leg of his pajamas and made its way further upward.

"GOOGAGUGAGGUGGLE!" Kyle jabbered as he danced around the room, trying to get the squirrel to fall out. Finally, it poked its head up out of the neck hole and looked Kyle in the eyes. It squeaked. "AHHHHHHHHHH!" Kyle screamed as the squirrel ran back down into his shirt. "I'll save you!" Denny, back to his feet and still holding his side, shouted in a mockingly heroic tone. He took the flashlight from Kyle and without saying a word, swung it upward, nailing Kyle between the legs. Kyle's continual scream jumped at least three octaves as he went to his knees.

The squirrel, apparently content with its level of havoc caused for one evening, scampered out of Kyle's pajamas and ran into a hole, which was apparently its window from the outside.

Kyle and Denny glared bitterly at one another. "Well I hope your happy," Kyle said in a high-pitched tone. "I am!" Denny shot back. They continued their angry staring contest for a moment until they were both struck by a realization. They both turned and looked to the stairs, where Joey stood, wearing his most innocent face possible.

"A bear, huh?" Denny asked, his grip on the flashlight tightening. "Well you guys said-" "We know what we said," Kyle interupted, his voice still reminiscent of Frankie Valli's singing vocals.

The two older drivers stared at Joey before looking back at each other. "Lets just go to bed. We'll do something bad to him in the morning," Denny said. "Okay," Kyle replied. Joey turned and scampered up the stairs as his two elder teammates limped up behind him. Amazingly, in spite of all their excitement, the trio were back to sleep rather quickly.

Chapter 6

2009-12-09T12:56:00.000-08:00

Chapter 6

"Been a long day," Denny said as he looked outside at the night sky. "Think we should turn in?" he asked his teammates. "Oh come on," Joey, now untied and back to playing his Wii, protested. "Its still early! Especially for you!" "I know, but tonight I think we should get our rest." "I'm with you," Kyle added, yawning. Relunctantly, Joey agreed, turning off his video game. The trio headed upstairs, sleeping bags in hand.

"Hey, only one bedroom?" Denny asked, scanning the hall. "You didn't notice when you were up here earlier?" Kyle replied, shrugging. "We have to share a bedroom? Thats just wrong!" Joey put in. "We'll be in our own sleeping bags, dude." "Screw that, I'm going to sleep on the couch," Joey said, turning to head down the stairs. "First off," Denny said, "we didn't pack any blankets. So you'll freeze to death." "And second off," Kyle added, "if a bear breaks in this place where do you think the first place he'll go is?"

"The refridgerator?" Joey asked innocently enough. Denny and Kyle looked at each other. "THE COUCH," they shouted in unison. A look of terror crossed Joey's face. He dropped his head and climbed back up the stairs and walked past Denny and Kyle into the bedroom.

Shortly therafter, the trio was nice and snug in their bags. Kyle was sleeping the soundest of the three. His loud snores filling the room made it difficult for the other two to get to sleep, but Denny had made it. Joey, meanwhile, unable to get the image of a bear jerking him up off the couch and doing a two-step with him - lunch and dessert -, was wide awake. Gradually exhaustion began to wear him down, and realizing that the way he was positioned, any bear would most certainly have gotten Kyle first and given him and Denny, who was nicer to Joey anyway, time to escape put his mind at ease.

He was almost asleep, drifting off into dream land, when, barely audible above Kyle's raucous snoring, he heard the sound of a glass break. He shot upright immediately. "Guys! Guys!" he whispered loudly. Denny didn't stir as he was deeply asleep, apparently dreaming about the ladies he'd seen on the TV earlier that day. Kyle's snoring had to have drowned him out anyway.

Petrified, he looked around the room for anything he could protect himself with against a bear attack. Once again he heard the sound of something falling off a table and striking the floor. His heart stopped. "GUYS!" he cried out, then covered his mouth, fearing the bear might have heard him. He got down on his knees and shook Denny violently, trying to rouse him. "DENNY!" he whispered as loudly as possible into his teammates ear.

"Mmmm, yeah baby," the deep-in-la-la-land racer mumbled, "whisper in my ear like that again." Joey slapped his hand against his forehead before repeating the process with pretty much the same result. Just then, he noticed the absence of two sounds. The bear, apparently, was occupied for there were no more sounds coming from down stairs. More noticable, however, was the fact that Kyle's snoring had stopped. Joey looked over at him.

"What are you doing?" Kyle asked aloud, staring. "Trying to wake Denny up! I think there's a bear downstairs!" Joey whispered. "Wake him up, huh?" Kyle asked, the second half of what Joey said lost upon him as he recalled Denny's fashion of awaking him earlier. "Here's how you do it," he said, grabbing Denny and slapping him across the face multiple times.

His payback worked...a little too well.

Incensed and without a word, Denny sprung from his sleeping bag, grabbing Kyle and slamming him onto the floor. The two elder JGR drivers grappled, rolling across the floor, throwing curses at one another as Joey looked on, afraid the ruckus might draw the bear upstairs. Just as he feared, another ill-fated item crashing to the floor sounded. Kyle, on the floor, and Denny, hovering over him with his fist primed to show Kyle what his brother had felt after trying to rattle Jimmy Spencer, stopped cold.

"What was that?" they whispered. "That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Joey cried in a hushed tone. "There's a bear down there!"

Denny and Kyle looked at Joey, and then each other. "Oh crap," they said as something else downstairs fell to the floor. The thud made Denny jump a foot in the air, at least removing him from atop Kyle who was beginning to struggle for air. Frantically and with both hands on his head, Joey paced back and forth on his knees. "What do we do? What do we do? What do we do?" "We gotta draw him outside," Denny said. "Kyle, you got any M&Ms with ya?" "Yup, Kyle replied, not looking at either driver. "Well? Where are they?"

"Downstairs."

That plan no longer an option, the not-so-fearless leader of the group pondered. "Joey, what's that?" he asked, noticing what looked like a rod of some sort nearby. "Its a flashlight," Joey said, picking it up. "Good, we'll use that as our weapon, give it to me." "Denny," Kyle said, "in case you didn't notice, there's a bear down there. What are you gonna do with that flashlight? Blind him?" "Exactly," Denny replied. "Lets go." "I'm not going down there!" Joey cried. "You're gonna come down here with us or we'll tell Big Tom about-" "Okay I'll do it!" Joey said, throwing his arms in the air.

Gently, as quietly as possible, armed with their super-dangerous flashlight, the trio tiptoed down the stairs. Just before stepping off the last stair, Denny gulped. Joey followed suit but Kyle was too frightened to gulp and ended up making a quiet yelping sound. "SHHH!" Denny and Joey chided him. Denny exhaled deeply and turned the flashlight on. Then he stepped off the stair and around the corner.

Within seconds, his high-pitched scream filled the room.

Chapter 5

2009-12-07T14:12:00.001-08:00

Chapter 5

"YO, LOGANO!" "JOEY!" "HEY, SLICED BREA-" "Shhh, he hates that." "I know, maybe if I call him that he'll get mad and wanna come hit me. HEY SLICED BREAD, WHERE YOU AT?!"

As Denny and Kyle trodded along through the snow, calling for Joey, the realization gradually built in each of them that he was lost. "Dude, if we can't find him-" "Kyle, don't talk like that." "Man I can already feel Big Tom beating the-" "I said don't talk like that!"

After about 30 minutes of scanning the snowy wooded area around their cabin, they were freezing. "Lets get back inside and warm up," said Denny. "Then we'll look some more."

Downhearted, the two chilled racers solemnly made their way back to the cabin. They opened the door and walked inside...and saw Joey standing in front of the TV, lost in a game of Wii boxing.

"JOEY!" they cried out in unison. "Oh, hey guys," he said, turning around. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!" "Uh, right here." "No you weren't," Kyle said angrilly. "We've been out there in the woods hunting for you, freezing our butts off and calling out for you like a couple of drunk morons."

"Well I'm sorry, I just went out to chop some wood and when I was done I came inside and went upstairs to take a nap. Then I heard you two yelling at each other about me so I thought you were mad so I was scared to come down. When I finally did, you guys were nowhere to be seen so I was practicing some boxing in case you two wanted to fight."

"Well its practice that'll come in handy!" Denny started at him. "No, man," Kyle grabbed his arm. "He's almost still a minor. You can't beat him up." Denny glared at Kyle, then at Joey. "Come 'ere," he said, motioning Joey towards him with his finger. "Uh-uh!" Joey said, shaking his head. "GET OVER HERE!" Denny bellowed.

Moments later, Denny sat on one end of the couch with Kyle on the other. Between them, tied up, sat Joey.

"Lets see if there's something to watch on this dang thing now," Kyle said, flipping on the TV. "Maybe we should check the weather, make sure we don't get snowed in," Joey reckoned. "Did I tell you you could talk?" Denny snapped sharply. "No," Joey said, hanging his head.

"Whoa nelly!" Kyle called out as the TV settled onto a TV show about beaches and their bikini-clad inhabitants. "Hello, Nurse!" Denny chimed in, eyes widening. "Hey, is he old enough to watch this?" Kyle asked, gesturing to Joey. Without response, Denny reached into Joey's pocket, pulled out his beanie cap, and pulled it down over Joey's eyes.

"Oh come on guys, that ain't right!" Joey protested, unsighted. "SHH" Denny whispered as he and Kyle gawked at the TV. "You both have girlfriends! That's just wrong!" Joey continued. Kyle reached over and pulled the beanie over the rest of Joey's head. His protests now muffled, Joey could only sit in black silence as his two teammates enjoyed their show.

Chapter 4

2009-12-07T13:10:00.001-08:00

Chapter 4

"Wow," Joey said, genuinely impressed as he sat his suitcase down in the living room of the cabin. "I gotta admit, Kyle, you did good on this one," added Denny. Kyle simply crossed his arms and smiled in self-approval.

"Hey, does this work?" Joey asked, looking over the fireplace. "No, Joey, they just put it there as a showpiece," Denny rolled his eyes. "Of course it works." "Okay! I'll go chop some wood!" Joey said excitedly. "You sure you can lift that axe?" Kyle asked just as Joey reached the door. The the youngest winner in NASCAR history stopped in his tracks, grumbling, but didn't turn around. Then he opened the door and stomped outside.

Denny plopped down onto one of the couches in the cabin and reached for the tv remote. "Lets see whats on," he said, flipping on the television. Kyle walked up to the TV and promptly flipped it off. Denny looked at him for a moment, and turned it back on. Kyle flipped it back off. They repeated the process about three more times before Denny pretend to throw the remote at Kyle, who ducked.

"What's the big idea?" Denny finally asked, irritated. "We didn't come here to watch TV, dude. Now give me the remote." Grudgingly, Denny handed it over to Kyle who laughed and turned the TV on himself. "We're gonna watch what *I* wanna watch, SUCKER. Hahaha." "Screw that," said Denny. "I'm gonna go check this place out then.

Kyle hopped into his chair and flipped through the channels, though he soon realized that on this particular day, there was nothing to watch. Sighing, he reclined the chair back and settled in for a little nap.

Right as he dosed off, he heard a loud rumble that made him jump clean out of the chair into the floor. He looked in the direction of the stairs, right as Denny walked down carrying a chainsaw. "What are you doing with the chainsaw?!" Kyle screamed. "WHAT?" Denny replied. "I SAID, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE CHAINSAW?!" "SPEAK UP KYLE, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" "WHAT ARE YOU...oh forget it!"

Denny finally turned the chainsaw off. "What did you say?" "I said, what are you doing with a freaking chainsaw?" "Oh. I'm gonna go cut us a Christmas tree." "Dude, why do we need a Christmas tree?" "Well, Kyle, as you like to say, DUH. Christmas is just a few weeks away." "Well first off, we'll be back in Charlotte by then. And besides, we don't have anything to decorate a tree with." "We'll improvise. We can cut up one of Joey's ugly sweaters and put the pieces on the tree, that should do the trick."

Kyle just shook his head and crawled back up into his chair as Denny trodded outside, closing the door behind him and firing the chainsaw up once again.

After a short time, once again just as Kyle fell asleep, Denny pounded at the door. "Yo, Kyle, help me lug this thing in side" he called out as he opened the door. "No, you cut the thing down, you can get it in here." "Fine, I'll just get Joey to help me," Denny said, adding a few cursewords under his breath as he went in search of his young teammate.

For the third time, Kyle was asleep, though this time quite deeply, when he was stirred once again.. "KYLE," Denny screamed in is face. "JOEY'S MISSING!" "What's he missing?" Kyle said, well out of it. "No, dude, ITS JOEY THAT IS MISSING!" "You said that already. What is he missing?" Denny slapped Kyle across the face and shook him roughly.

"What, what, what?!" Kyle finally shouted, finally back into a state of awareness. "Joey is missing!" "MISSING?! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?! WEREN'T YOU WATCHING HIM?!" "WELL, NO, BUT YOU WEREN'T EITHER!" They looked at each other for a moment.

"His dad is gonna kill us," Kyle said. "Yup," Denny replied.

Chapter 3

2009-12-06T18:57:00.001-08:00

Chapter 3

"She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes! She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes! She'll be com-" "If you two don't shut up right this minute, I swear!" "Oh come on, Denny, that's mood music for a trip!" "Joey, we haven't even started moving yet." "So?"

The Joe Gibbs Racing trio sat in the parking lot of their facility. Denny, in the drivers seat, put his hand over his mouth and spoke in his best airplane captain tone. "Attention, all passengers. This is a one stop flight. If you need to go, if you think you might need to go, if you have the slightest INKLING that you might need to go, you better go now, cause I AIN'T STOPPING." "I bet you'll stop rather than have Joey or me put our permanent mark on your rental Toyota Sienna, since you're paying and all," Kyle said with a smirk.

Denny glared. Then he smirked himself. "You're right. We should use an older vehicle. Like your Highlander." "No way, dude." "Hey, we're going to the mountains, the four-wheel drive might come in handy!" Joey put in from the backseat. "Logano if I want your opinion, I'll give it to you," said Kyle. Joey crossed his arms and glared. For a 19-year-old, he had a rather intimidating mad face, perhaps due to his usually cheerful demeanor.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "FINE! We'll use my Highlander. But I'M driving." "No, I want Denny to drive." "Yeah Kyle," Denny added, grinning, "Joey wants ME to drive. Show him, Joey!" Kyle looked back at Joey, who had made his mad face even madder. Out of instict, Kyle backed away, causing Denny to cackle. "Fine, lets unload this sh-" "Hey! Kid in the backseat," Denny said, feighning concern and pointing at Joey with his thumb. "STUFF. OKAY? STUFF!" Kyle got out of the SUV and went to slam the door, but as he looked back in, he saw Denny looking at him with a glare of his own, so he shut the door nicely and gently.

A little later, once all their supplies had been transfered from the rental to Kyle's SUV and the minivan had been turned in, the drivers set off on their journey. Denny drove while Kyle looked out the window, apparently contemplative of his home situation. Joey, meanwhile, sat in the backseat, sipping Coca-Cola from a glass bottle through a straw and listening to his iPod.

Given the total quiet in the vehicle, it was hard to believe these were two of NASCAR's most outspoken drivers and an affable rookie.

They were about halfway on their journey when Joey took that total quiet and turned it on its head. "Hey, Denny, I need the mens room." "WHAT?!" Denny shouted, glaring at Joey through the rearview mirror. "He said he needs the mens room," Kyle added, still looking out the window. "I heard what he said! JOEY! WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WHEN I TOLD YOU TO?!" "Because I didn't need to, then!" "I said if you even had an inkling!" "I don't get inklings! I quit doing that when I was three!"

"All I know," said Kyle, turning to Denny, "is if he hoses down my backseat, I'll rub YOUR nose in it first. Find a gas station."

Seemingly exasperated, Denny hunted for an exit sign. To Joey's, ahem, relief, it didn't talke long. Denny navigated the Highlander off the interstate onto the exit ramp. A Shell station sat at the base of the ramp. Denny pulled off into the parking lot of the station. The bathroom. Joey got out and rushed towards the door when behind him he heard another of the doors on the Highlander close. He stopped and turned to see Denny rushing at him.

"Outta my way kid!" "Hey, me first!" "I'm your elder, your can WAIT." "No I can't!"

Fortunately, Joey WAS able to hold it, and after Denny paid for a few snacks he had picked up, they exited the station. Kyle had gotten out of his SUV and was leaning against the back of it, just getting some air. Joey mischeviously laughed as he opened up the passenger door and jumped in.

"Hey, what are you doing Joey?!" "SHOTGUN!" "No. Get out." "Uh-uh, I'm calling shotgun." "I called shotgun before we even started this trip." "No, you wanted to DRIVE," Denny added, cracking up. "Yeah, you wanted to dr-" "Logano you've got five seconds to get your BUTT out of my seat before we find out if the boomerang setting on your iPod works or not."

Sullen, Joey gave up his new seat. Once everyone was buckled in, the trip continued.

Chapter 2

2009-12-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

Chapter 2

"Yo, Logano!" Kyle said as he beat on the front door of the Logano residence. "Come on out here, we wanna talk to you!"

"He's probably upset," said Denny. "I mean think about it, if you and Samantha got married and then your parents made you get it annulled." "Yeah, that'd be bad. You shouldn't have let them get married." "ME? How did I let them get married? You were the one who was SUPPOSED to be watching them and instead you were off-"

Right then the door opened. Joey looked his normal, cheery self. "Whats up guys?!" "Um, hey Joey," Kyle said, lowering the fist he was about to throw at Denny. "Me and Denny boy here were wondering if you would want to join us on a little trip." "Trip? What kind of trip?"

"Well Kyle here has the bright idea to drag you and me with him to some cabin in the wilderness for a few days," Denny said. "Yeah, we can leave the women behind!" declared Kyle. "We can go be men in the wilderness. What do you say?"

Joey looked at him for a moment. "Sam kicked you out again, didn't she?" Kyle grumbled under his breath.

"So you in?" Denny asked. "Okay, I'll do it. How much does it cost?" "Well, its-" Kyle began. "Oh thats the thing!" Denny interrupted. "Kyle's paying." "He is?!" Joey asked, his excitement building. "Yup, aren't you Kyle?" Denny said with a grin. Kyle looked at Denny, then at Joey, and then back and Denny. Then he walked towards the Toyota minivan they were going to be riding in, cursing under his breath the whole way.

Chapter 1

2009-12-05T13:26:00.000-08:00

Chapter 1

The day after their return, Denny Hamlin sat in his crew chief, Mike Ford's office, awaiting their end-of-season meeting at the Joe Gibbs Racing facility. He had his feet propped up on Mike's desk and was leaned back in his chair, relaxing when he heard the door open behind him. Knowing that Mike REALLY didn't like it when he put his shoes on the desk, he quickly pulled them off, nearly toppling his chair over backwards. "Ahh!" he cried out, grabbing the desk to try to regain his balance. Once stable, he turned around to see not his veteran crew chief but rather Kyle Busch standing there.

The smirk on Kyle's face told Denny his sometimes slightly derranged teammate had something on his mind.

"What?" Denny asked, crossing his arms. Kyle continued starring with a smirk. "Kyle, what is your problem?" Kyle reached into his pocket and drew out a brocure. He tossed it into Denny's lap. "Winter retreat?" Denny read the title aloud. "What do you think?" Kyle said, finally breaking his silence. "Looks cool, have fun. After that stunt you pulled in Vegas, make sure Samantha doesn't get you anywhere near the wood stove."

Kyle snickered. "No no no, Denny-boy, I mean you and me and Logano. A little 'Man's Retreat.'" "Man's retreat? You just said Joey would be there." "Hey he's got to grow up sometime. A few days with us in the wilderness'll do the trick. I got it all planned out. We'll leave the girls behind and go be men, be in the wilderness in that cabin."

Denny pondered for a moment. "She kicked you out, again, didn't she?" "Yep."

Denny laughed and threw the brocure to Kyle's feet and turned back around. "Come on man, it might be fun," Kyle said, closing the door and hopping up and sitting down on the edge of Mike's desk. "And besides, you and Logano both owe me after that pumpkin business."

"Hey, that was ALL Joey," Denny retorted. "Oh, it was ALL Joey? Who was the one barking orders Mr. Elder Driver at Joe Gibbs Racing?" "Whatever, Kyle," Denny blew him off, but Kyle continued. "Tony specifically told us not to go to that pasture. What were the first words out of your mouth?" He jumped up, stretched his arm out, and pointed, showingly.

"To the pasture!"

"So what?" Denny said, becoming gradually more and more irritated. "So what?! I think I got a slipped disk or something from that stuff in the shed." "Why don't you get Samantha to fix that for you?" Denny said with a smirk of his own.

Kyle grunted and sat back down on the edge of the desk. "Come on, Denny. Lets try it for a few days." "Kyle, male bonding with you is not my idea of a good time." "Here, tell what," Kyle said. "I'll pay the up-front cost for you and Joey to stay there, and then if you two don't enjoy it, I'll pay the total cost."

"Dude, if we did that, you know I'll just say I didn't enjoy it even if I did to make you pay for it," Denny replied. Kyle grumbled. "But okay, I'll THINK about it," Denny said. "Great, I'll call and make the arrangements right now!" Kyle said, reaching for the phone on Mike's desk. "I said I'd THINK about it. I even emphasised THINK, Kyle. THINK. I know that's a foreign concept to you, but still." "You can THINK about it while we're on the way," Kyle said as he picked up the reciever.

Right about then the door opened again. "KYLE. YOU GOT 2.6 SECONDS TO GE OFF MY DESK!" "2.6?" Kyle asked, looking at Denny quizically. "He's a crew chief," Denny sighed.

Doing as he was told, Kyle hopped off. He slapped Denny on the shoulder. "This is gonna be a blast, dude." "Oh yeah, I can't wait," Denny replied without a trace of enthusiasm as Kyle left the office.

Prologue

2009-12-05T12:44:00.000-08:00

A JGR Christmas Story

By Aaron Rosser

Note: I own none of the characters represented here. This is merely for entertainment purposes.

Prologue

"They're home!" Debbie Logano exclaimed gleefully as the Joe Gibbs Racing plane carrying her son, Joey, his girlfriend Sabrina, and his Joe Gibbs Racing teammates Denny Hamlin and Kyle Busch and their respective girlfriends touched down.

With husband Tom in tow, Debbie ran out to the tarmac to greet NASCAR's newest Sprint Cup Rookie of the Year.

The door opened and the ramp leading down from the plane dropped down to the ground. Kyle Busch and his girlfriend, Samantha, emerged first. "Sam, baby, I didn't know! How many times do I have to say 'I didn't know?'" he pleaded with shrugged shoulders. She icily brushed past him and walked down the stairs. Kyle threw his arms up in exasperation and followed her down.

"Oh dear," Debbie said.

Denny Hamlin's girlfriend, Jordan was the next to exit the plane. She carried the same icy expression Samantha had. Denny emerged seconds later, holding an ice pack over his left eye as he walked down the ramp.

"Oh my! I hope Joey and Sabrina didn't have a fight too!" Debbie thought as she saw Denny remove the ice pack for a moment to reveal one whale of a shiner. He stood next to Kyle as their girlfriends disappeared from view.

"There they are," Tom Logano said behind her. Debbie turned and her fears were immediately quelled: Joey and Sabrina, hand in hand, bounced down the ramp with the exuberance of two teenagers...perhaps because they were teenagers, but still.

"Joey! Sabrina!" Debbie declared with her arms outstretched to hug them both. "Mom, guess what!" Joey said as he entered into her embrace. "What, son, what?" she asked, clutching them tight.

"WE'RE MARRIED!"

After fifteen full seconds of silence, Debbie burst into tears and ran full bore back to the airport terminal. "You're WHAT?" Tom asked, crossing his arms. "Married!" Joey repeated. "Married?" Tom asked, looking at Sabrina. She nodded excitedly, sporting a bright-eyed grin.

"I told you two to watch them!" Tom glared at Kyle and Denny. "Well we-" "Be quiet, Kyle," he interrupted. "You two turn around. This is a private moment."

He turned back to his son and supposed brand new daughter-in-law.

"Joey, you are NOT married." "But! But! But!" "NO buts about it. You know how they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas?" "If thats how it works then how do you explain HIM?" Joey protested, gesturing towards Kyle, a Las Vegas native.

"Wait for it, wait for it," Denny whispered to his teammate from the corner of his mouth.

Sure enough, they heard the distinct sound of a smack. "Don't sass me, son!"

With that, Tom headed back to find his wife, while Joey and a sobbing Sabrina followed.

"Think we should go find the girls?" Kyle asked. "I mean hey, we could tell them that, that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas."

Denny glared at him with his one uncovered eye, then marched off in the direction of the terminal.